… Which sometimes means taking the regular shiny adult toaster off your wedding registry and replacing it with the Pittsburgh Pirates toaster. The one that burns the Pirates “P” into every slice of toast.  The one that your fiancé didn’t even know existed but you searched out on your own and added, despite the fact that it is objectively masculine and doesn’t match your pretty mustard yellow kitchen stuff. 

Because if you haven’t had a winning season in a while, you should at least get to have P’s burned into all your toast.

(James, my beloved and loyal Pirates fan would like to point out that the Pirates did in fact win the game against the Nationals in the photo above. This is despite the fact that some foolish girl in the stands gleefully declared several innings in that they might even have a perfect game. Apparently that is bad baseball karma, and the Pirates instantly relinquished said perfect game, but came back to win it all. The foolish girl would like to emphasize that things like bad baseball karma and rules should be explained to her in advance.)