I am not vain enough to assume that you, dear Internet, actually have a vested interest in my life and keep track of what happens in our little corner of DC. Most of you probably just check in from time to time to see if we have babies yet, because we all know that that is when blogs get really interesting, and I am a full 1-3 kids behind most of the people I graduated with, not to mention before. Sorry all, no babies.

But in case you have been on pins and needles since I announced my wisdom tooth plight a couple weeks ago, I wanted to provide an update on my operation and subsequent convalescence. Because what good is a blog if I can’t whine about the first world luxury of modern dental care and the miracle that is Jello?

When I mentioned on here that I was concerned about who would take me to have my teeth pulled since James would be gone, I was so touched by the outpouring of support. So many people texted, emailed, called, Facebooked, etc. to offer to look after my drooling self. Even though I have only been James-less in DC  for a week after being in Kentucky, I feel so blessed by the friends that have looked out for me. My procedure was on the easy end of the wisdom tooth spectrum, as my bottom ones were pulled in high school and the top ones had come all the way in and just needed to be extracted. Thus, I was only knocked out for about 20 minutes and the oral surgeon predicted a speedy recovery with no fear of dry sockets and no need for those squirty bottles that clean out the wound. Just me, a lot of bloody gauze, and some rocking pain pills- none of that noble silent suffering without meds for me.

Our sweet friends Laurie Anne and Taylor came with me and played babysitter throughout the morning. I am thankful to them for filling my meds, driving me home, setting me up with Netflix, yogurt, water, and generally making sure I made it. But I am most thankful to them for filming my drive home. Since I wasn’t out long, I wasn’t totally out in the car ride home. Instead, I was just ridiculous, opinionated, and very, very chatty. Admittedly, this isn’t very different than my usual state, only plus narcotics. I remember having pleasant conversation, but when Laurie Anne sent me the videos, I was astounded about the passionate opinions I shared under the influence of medication.

Were I a person with less self-respect, no plans for a career, or a desire to have a humiliating video go viral, I would share the videos here. If you are someone who actually knows me, feel free to text me if you want to see them. As for you, dear Internet, I will pass on some transcripts and spare you the truly unattractive gauze-swollen face and bad breakout I had going on.

  • The last thing I remember before I was knocked out was asking the nurse if I could keep the teeth and she informed me that they are considered biohazard material and must be tossed. When I “came too” I was still stuck on this and spent most of the car ride home bemoaning the injustice: “They’re gone… and they’re like… I wanted to keep them and they wouldn’t let me… I’m really upset because… it’s just not just and I just feel like they should have let me keep them. Because, I GREW THEM… they didn’t grow them… I GREW them… They are my property, you know? They will probably sell them on the black market for teeth implants…. I bet they were like MINING for teeth… I bet they are going to sell the other one [one had a cavity]… You could get top dollar…I bet you could get like four or five thousand dollars…. There are people that don’t have teeth… I met them in Kentucky. They don’t have no teeth…. That lady was very nice, but I feel like… I feel like I was robbed. I think we should break in and get them back…. I was thinking, it would be easier if we were in Harry Potter and we could be like EXPELLIARMUS TOOTH! … And then we could grab them and the dentist couldn’t have them… I just feel like… that would be easier.”(Obviously, non-drugged Hannah might have thought of a better spell, but there you have it.)
  • Laurie Anne and Taylor then proceeded to tell me about their sweet dog who was recently attacked by a black lab. I responded: “She’s just a victim… black labs are no good. When you see one . . . you have to climb a tree.”
  • They also mentioned that they are moving to AZ and I astutely noted: “The snow here… one time it was so cold that it snowed IN our apartment.”
  • For some inexplicable reason, I started talking about the Old Testament, offering sage spiritual advice: “That’s why you gotta do what God tells you…. or… he’ll just screw you over and open the ground and you’ll fall in… that happened… in the Bible… It was a long time ago… like over 50 years ago.”
  •  And finally, as we were parking and Laurie Anne commented on the beautiful blue door on our neighbor’s house, I thought of a great plan: “I bet I could steal it [insert awesome arm flopping]… I could just… get it… off the hinges…. and then… I could hang it on my wall like Pinterest.”
Don't worry - this amazing fruit smoothie was consumed without a straw. And made from three day-old fruit salad because that's how we roll around here.

Don’t worry – this amazing fruit smoothie was consumed without a straw. And made from three day-old fruit salad because that’s how we roll around here.

After a morning of snoozing and TV, I felt pretty good, and deeply amused by my earlier commentary. It appears that my drugged-up alter-ego is a tooth selling thief with a fear of God and black labs. Good to know.

Really, this convalescing thing is kind of awesome. I am eating all the foods I usually don’t permit myself (read: runny Kraft mac-n-cheese and lots of strawberry Jello) and I am burning through various TV series. I discovered just in time that season three of Call the Midwife was about to expire from PBS and so I have been blazing through all the episodes, cringing at the seemingly very real representations of 1950’s birth in London’s East end. Seriously people, I’m all about women having the freedom to give birth where they want, but every time someone tells me they don’t want a hospital birth because they are just “so sterile” I think…. isn’t that how they are supposed to be? Sterile. Clean. Shiny. Count me in.

Now then. Back to convalescing. In his absence, James hid a gift card to a local gelato shop in our bookcase for me to find. I’m planning a big outing today for some creamy goodness. I might even change from my pjs and wash my face.

Maybe. Wouldn’t want to push it. No sense in rushing recovery.

Anyone else have crazy wisdom teeth/ any other surgery stories?

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13 Responses to Convalescing.

  1. Bekah says:

    The season 3 finale of Call the MIdwife absolutely wrecked me. Good luck, if you’ve not gotten there yet 🙂

    • Hannah says:

      It was TOO MUCH. I finished it just hours before it expired and I was wrecked. The mother thing got me. Also, does this mean no more???? That maybe wrecked me more than anything else. Love that show!

  2. When I had a surgery no one trusted me when I said I don’t do drugs or drink. They overdosed me and I was out for two hours longer than expected. That night I woke up upset that I was laying on my back with my feet in the air. I couldn’t push them down to bed level! I pushed as hard as I could and after a frustrating 15 minutes I realized I was sitting up and just needed to lay down…

  3. asilvercord says:

    I can’t even WATCH Call the Midwife. It makes me absolutely terrified/crushed about all the dead babies/danger that moms might die/general fear and I’ve actually given birth so I know it’s not that bad.

    And wisdom teeth removal are the worst (even worse than when I got my gallbladder out) but even worserrrrr is when husbands are gone. It’s the pits.

    Though, did the pills give you dreams? I had dreams every single night that I could fly. It was awesome.

    • Hannah says:

      Ok, I’m glad to hear that childbirth isn’t as traumatic as it looks on TV!

      I haven’t been having crazy dreams, but now I reallllyyyy want to fly in my sleep.

  4. Jess says:

    Oh my goodness. What I wouldn’t GIVE to watch these videos. I can’t believe that terrible nurse wouldn’t let you keep your teeth! I was allowed to keep mine. I still have it in a keepsake box somewhere which is pretty frightening, but hey, it’s a memory? I’m sorry that you had to endure that while your husband was gone but glad that you have friends to help take care of you. Also, please come visit. Please and thank you.

    • Hannah says:

      You got to keep them???? JELLY. And yes, how can we get someone else [work, school, etc.] to pay for us to actually meet up and become non-internet friends? This needs to become a top priority. Because friendship. And donuts.

  5. Haylie says:

    I informed the nurse that her hair was cute, even though there were two of her… And then I just looked like a swollen, green-tinged chipmunk face after that.

    Call the Midwife is FAB. And made me cry so SO very much! Must admit, I was glad that I waited to watch it until AFTER giving birth to my baby girl in March… My paranoid, hypochondriac brain would’ve felt any sad/dangerous episode was an omen. The minuscule part of my brain that’s rational would’ve said, “Pish posh! No need to worry” in Chummie’s (Chummy?) voice, but the crazy prego hormones would’ve shrieked objections.

    P.S. Childbirth is definitely not as traumatic on TV- at least it’s not when you have an epidural… 😀 (Ok, full disclosure, even if you have an epidural, it’s going to wear off at SOME point and let’s face it, you’ve pushed a tiny human out of yourself. So pain is decidedly part of the process… but it’s ok! Because babies are awesome!)

    • Hannah says:

      Yeah… I don’t think I could watch it if I was actually giving birth sometime soon.


  6. Nicole says:

    HAHA, love the drug-induced conversation. And I have very mixed feelings about Call the Midwife. We loved it, then we hated Season 2 because there was sooo much moral relativism crap and TONS of dying moms/babies so I had to stop watching certain episodes. Loved Season 3, but made Tom read a full run-down of each episode before I’d watch it because no one who’s pregnant needs to watch another mom die of pre-eclampsia or have a stillborn or whatevs. Those things are RARE anyway. And…hate to tell you, but no matter where you birth, be it the jungle or a tub or your favorite hospital, it’s just messy. As is most of life, right? 🙂 But probably not much more blood than your teeth produced! 🙂

    • Hannah says:

      I agree — it is pretty traumatic and could totally freak me out if I was pregnant.

      And what — you mean producing a baby from your body isn’t a perfectly pristine experience???? DREAMS SHATTERED. I mean, I’m sure that after the baby is born, they continue to keep your life clean, right? ; )

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