You guys. This week, life got the best of me.
It isn’t that anything majorly bad went wrong, other than two speeding tickets ( I know, I know) and the mail situation in our building being so bad that they are consistently losing our mail and packages I order. It was just that this week I am deeply tired of being me. I know that sounds super dramatic, deeply cynical, and borderline depressing, but let me explain. In general, I feel I have a pretty good view of myself. I am fully aware of the things that I can’t do (CPR, play musical instruments, fit in cute petite clothing, make soup, geography) but also fully cognizant of my actual strengths (plunging toilets, making omelets, throwing dinner parties, finding really good things on clearance racks).
But this week… I am just burnt out on being me. I am rash and impulsive. I speak first and think later. I break things all the time. I fall a lot. I am always rushing, rushing, rushing. The result is the aforementioned tickets, the fact that I have broken all but 3 of the dinner glasses we got for our wedding, I’m always having to apologize for things I’ve said, and James got whacked in the eye with my elbow at least 4 times this week. And it is only Thursday.
This week, I am just deeply frustrated with my own flawed humanity. But then again, aren’t we all?
And so, instead of any further perky thoughts or pleasant sass, I will leave you all with that quote that I am reading over and over this week, and will keep on reading till I feel convinced.
*Quote is from the commentary that my dad wrote on Judges that I am finally reading, and I may be biased, but it is pretty awesome. Oh, and those pictures have absolutely nothing to do with this post other than being brooding and moody, and I hate having posts with no pictures.
The Art in Life 
Dear Hannah
I’ve been reading your blog since the soulmate-post, and after reading that I went back and read all of your posts. Yes, all of them, even your entire Paris-blog. Please don’t think I’m creepy or strange.
One of the reasons for having so much spare time so I could take such an interest in the life of a person I don’t really know is that I was pregnant and could hardly move, and now I’m up all night with my baby boy, so I just have a little too much time to do things like that.
The other, and the main reason for reading ALL your posts is that you are an amazing person. Every time I read your blog I feel like I get a better perspective on life, I get a viewpoint that reveals how fabulously great my very ordinary life is. Your blog is a perfect blog to me, it is beautiful and dreamy, yet down to earth and wholesome. Also, I feel that we are very much alike, and that makes me happy because I think you are wise, strong, funny and very likeable, so feeling that we are alike makes me believe I might be all those things as well.
I hope your week gets better and I hope that this comment made you happy (which was the purpose) and not totally creeped out.
Your fan from Sweden
Johanna
Ah, thank you so much for your kind words and (totally not creepy) stalking! I’m glad it could help make sleepless nights with a new baby better. And yes, it totally makes me happy. : )
This is so poignant & fits me to a tee somedays. Thanks for sharing these thoughts. Hope things look up soon. Try to take some extra time to just. Breathe.
Hang in there! I’ve definitely been there and know the feeling. I love you for being you though. Sending a hug.
I love my little!!!
Oh, man, life got to me this week, too, and continues to. It’s only (already?) Thursday.
I loved this when I was thinking and going through the exact same thing a couple weeks ago:
“For Ragamuffins, God’s name is Mercy. We see our darkness as a prized possession because it drives us into the heart of God. Without mercy our darkness would plunge us into despair – for some, self-destruction. Time alone with God reveals the unfathomable depths of the poverty of the spirit. We are so poor that even our poverty is not our own: It belongs to the mysterium tremendum of a loving God.”
― Brennan Manning, The Ragamuffin Gospel: Good News for the Bedraggled, Beat-Up, and Burnt Out
Oh I love that quote!
I also came across your blog when your soul-mate post went viral. Prayers for you today. I breathed a sigh of relief when I read that quote because yes, I need to do that — embrace my humanity, embrace the fact that I am not super-woman, that I am not going to walk the difficult journey I am on perfectly, that I can’t figure this out and that’s okay.
Hannah,
I started reading your posts after the soul mate post. Disclaimer: I didn’t really see what the big deal was with that post. ( Keep reading, I promise it is going to get better than it sounds) I was originally drawn to see what all the “fuss” was about. I didn’t find anything that I didn’t already believe to be true myself. So, I was not drawn by that post or by any craze. I was drawn by what I saw on your blog beyond the soul mate post. I saw someone who is in a similar place in life as me. Married, in school, in a small apartment, who loves baking, pictures and isn’t afraid to admit she sleeps in and checks Instagram in the morning before the news. I was drawn by your honesty about what you life REALLY is like. What MY life a lot of times feels like when my apartment is too small, I break things all the time, or I am cross with my husband when I shouldn’t be. It was just nice to know someone else goes through even a small few coincidental things that go wrong in my life too. Makes a person feel less alone and less crazy! Thank you for being YOU. Thank you for taking your time to share with all of us who need to know other people are happy, sad, angry, and everything else in between. Especially us newlyweds/college students! I will pray for you in this time all the way from Kentucky. I don’t know you, and that is a shame! I am sure everyone around you is blessed to know you and have you in their lives!
You know, I didn’t see what the big deal about that post was either, so that makes two of us! : ) Thanks for your kind words! Also, hooray for Kentucky! It’s my home, and I love it more than pretty much anywhere else.
Omg. Right there with you this week, sister….in a “Can I puh-LEASE get away from this chick?” sort of way. Ugh.
But we have hope. 🙂
Loving this quote. Thank your dad for me. ❤
Hannah,
Thanks for this beautiful post – and most especially the quote.
You forgot to mention (on the list of things you are good at) that you are good at blogging, and lifting up the spirits of others.
So thank you.
Maura
Thank you, I’m glad you think so!
Thanks much. I surely will contemplate the quote. So many times, I think I am good at nothing and that is just not true. After all, I am a child of God, and I need to embrace that!
Hello,
Been kind of creeping on your blog for a while now, but have never commented. I love your words, your stories, and your pictures (I drool over your pictures). Sometimes life just becomes a bit much, even when life is abundantly rich in blessings. I’ve been having similar feelings this past week so thank you for your words! It;s so nice to know that I’m not the only one who sometimes gets tired of being themselves.
Judges! Have you ever read the Gideon Bible Study done by Priscilla Shirer? I am going through it right now and it is so relevant.
I LOVE Priscilla but I haven’t done that one yet!!! I’m pretty sure that I am going to have to look it up as soon as I finish Judges. Thanks!
Pingback: Bravo for brave | Definitely RA
Pingback: Give me that Old [Testament] Religion. | The Art in Life