I know, I know, two kale recipes in a couple weeks. I’m the worst. Before you get any grand ideas about my culinary superiority, know that Sunday night I dined on Totino’s frozen pizza while enjoying a Redbox double header of Veronica Mars and Divergent. What can I say? Classy times around this home. I actually love Totino’s pizza with the fire of a thousand suns, the same intensity with which I love young adult dystopian fiction, so it was an awesome night. But I do love a good kale salad. According to James, there is no such thing as a “good” kale salad, but I beg to differ. Remember this tasty one? Plus, when you are cooking for one, those big bunches of kale last a loooonnnggggg time. Hence the fact that last week I ate kale for four meals in a row. Desperate times call for desperate measures. At least the first three were awesome. Among them was this kale salad, topped with roasted pumpkin seeds and pomegranate seeds and tossed in a sweet honey vinaigrette.
A note about pomegranate seeds. They are basically the rubies of nature. As in, every time I break open a pomegranate, I think, yep, Persephone was right — totally worth having to stay camped out in the Underworld as the bride of that creepy old Hades. Yes, I realize that may come across as a little Stockholm syndrome-ish to you, and yes, I realize I am slightly butchering the myth and my fellow classical liberal arts college graduates are probably writhing in pain at my oversight. But seriously: those seeds are beautiful.  What was not quite as cool was the crimson splatter that is now all over my white t-shirt. I did such a good job getting out the seeds with this method, but alas, my initial chop was overzealous. Cue pomegranate death stain.  A note about pumpkin seeds. I love everything about pumpkins. I love their perfect orange color, I love pumpkin flavored everything, I love going to pumpkin patches, I love setting them all over my apartment during the fall.

I hate carving pumpkins.

And I feel guilty about it because I should like carving pumpkins, as I love all excessive displays of seasonal excitement. For years I have just done it and let my enthusiasm for parties and crafts try to win me over. But I hate carving pumpkins and I am finally brave enough to admit it: Hi, my name’s Hannah, and I’m going to stop pretending like it is fun to fight for an hour with a dull knife and hard pumpkin. Luckily, I think that this whole pumpkin painting craze is catching steam so I can continue to be invited to autumnal parties. As much as I hate carving pumpkins, I love eating roasted pumpkin seeds. That’s why it is so frustrating that you have to struggle through the pumpkin carving to get those tasty seeds. Thus, for you ambitious squirrels out there, feel free to roast your own seeds. As for me and my house, we shall purchase ours roasted and salted at Aldi.

Do you ever read food blogs and wonder how everything looks so perfect and well lit and beautiful? I do. Especially since there is exactly 3 square feet of counter space in my entire kitchen, broken up into two counters. That means that behind the scenes of this…
… is this. A giant mess that is infinitely unbloggable, and must therefore be blogged to add some reality to the internet. Hashtag live authentically. Because #liveauthentic is the grammatically incorrect and unrealistic version. Put that in your  #darlingweekend. #ispendtoomuchtimetryingtofigureouthowhashtagsrelatetopictures
Sorry, where did that rant come from? Oh yes, the inordinate amount of time I squandered on Instagram this week in an effort to escape from the book I was reading for my PhD exams. Hashtag too boring to gram. Anyways, may you go forth and make this tasty fall salad.

Over and out. Autumn Kale Salad with Honey Vinaigrette

• kale, stems removed and torn small
• pumpkin seeds, roasted and salted.
• pomegranate seeds
• goat cheese
• olive oil
• balsamic vinegar
• grainy dijon mustard
• honey

1. There are no precise measurements for this salad. Just remember that kale will shrink down and toss on as many toppings as you desire.
2. To make dressing, mix oil, vinegar, mustard and honey until emulsified. I usually do a glug or two of olive oil, a glug of balsamic (Smitten Kitchen convinced me that a glug is a totally acceptable measurement), a spoonful of mustard and a spoonful of honey. Whisk.
3. Dump dressing on kale and massage until the kale has diminished in volume by about a third.
4. Toss in seeds and top with goat cheese.