Second baby.

I’ve always thought that 2 years is a nice age gap between siblings, and it looks like we will get to experience that firsthand- baby 2 coming almost exactly 2 years behind baby 1!Winter2018-17We were pretty casual with telling people about this baby. I would just kind of announce it in conversation, enjoying the jerk of surprise from the other person before I shrugged and smiled and said “Second baby.” Because second babies just don’t get all the fanfare of the first. We are so excited about this baby, but I don’t expect as much excitement or surprise from anyone else. Once you have one, people just kind of expect you to have more, so I just decided to beat them to the lack-of-fanfare in my cool delivery.

And then, at 12 weeks pregnant, in the “clear” to start telling the wide public, I woke up covered in blood. I choked back sobs and called the doctor, shaking James awake and telling him that we had lost the baby, a ridiculous expression, but one apt all the same because I knew where that baby should be, but I was so sure that they couldn’t both be there, and be creating the horror I was seeing. We rushed to the ER, and for 3 terrible hours, we waited. Waited for tests and needles and samples and that interminable roll down corridors. Waited for the ultrasound tech to arrive. Waited as she rolled the wand across my belly, clutching James’ hand and willing her to find something.

She did. James and I sat in the dark crying as we saw a ridiculously squirmy and teeny tiny little person wiggling across the screen. We saw that rapid heartbeat and the life where we had expected none. We saw the screen light up too when they scanned the womb, saw the colors change around what the doctor would explain as some concerning bleeding behind the placenta. He was frank about how this complicated things, and I let myself read one very academic article online about how it changes odds and raises complications.

It’s been a couple weeks of more doctor visits, ultrasounds, tests, holding our breath at that tiny heartbeat. Things are stable at the moment, and we have every reason to think they could stay that way. Unlike Henry’s pregnancy, where I ran a half marathon at 12 weeks and did barre classes until 37 weeks, I’m not allowed to exercise or lift things over 10 lbs, including my 30 lb toddler (though yes, I did hold him for all of 2 seconds for this photo). And then there’s the fear too, the worry that wasn’t there before, the knowledge that things can go wrong, a knowledge that we were mercifully spared until now.

15weeksI don’t feel as casual about announcing this second baby now. It feels like the greatest of gifts that I still get to do so. 15 weeks and 3 days of this tiny life. Every day is a blessing to be carrying this kid, this being that has left me feeling miserable from approximately conception. If I am not actively eating breakfast food, tex-mex (or that perfect combo of both- breakfast tacos!) or cream cheese rangoon, the nausea is overwhelming. The exhaustion is debilitating, and dragging myself out of bed to teach, write my dissertation, and chase Henry has felt impossible so many days, though I have no choose but to get up. This pregnancy has been awful.

And I am so thankful that I am still getting to do it.

Second baby, we love you lots. Winter2018-5PS: Apparently being pregnant also makes me incapable of not weirdly hiding behind a veil of hair? I promise- I still have a face. It is probably busy eating a breakfast taco at any given moment. And as you can see, after we asked Henry to “point to the baby!” he promptly tried to remove my dress and expose my belly button.

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15 Responses to Second baby.

  1. Kimberly says:

    Congrats!! Here’s hoping the worries are behind you and only smooth sailing ahead for you and little person #2. Also, when I ever get pregnant, can I please be one percent as lovely as you? Please?

  2. Carolyn says:

    Congratulations!! Praying for you and baby! The bleeding must have been terrifying, but thank God your little one is okay! My first was born in July 2016 and now I’m due with #2 in July 2018, so it’s going to be so fun to read about your adventures. 🙂

  3. Congratulations and will pray that it all goes smoothly for you

  4. Simone says:

    Have you ever tried Diclegis? It’s a safe anti-nausea medication in pregnancy and it works pretty well. You take it at night cause it makes you sleepy but it works by the morning.

  5. Congratulations! We are due with number two in June, almost exactly three years behind number one. Best wishes for a healthy pregnancy and delivery!

  6. Shannon C Coker says:

    Congratulations, Hannah and James! I am so excited for you and your growing family. I will most certainly be praying for health and safety and peace for both of you and this precious little one.

  7. Shannon C Coker says:

    Oh, and Hannah, I have had extremely bad nausea in all my (now three) pregnancies. This time my doctor suggested a combination of B6 and sleep aid. It contains the same ingredients as Diclegis (which I used during my second pregnancy), but its way less expensive and over the counter. It has really helped. I still had some bad days, but I could eat better and function better than either of my other two pregnancies. Maybe something worth checking with your doctor? I can give you the exact amounts if you are ever interested. Happy New Year!

    • The B6 + Unisom combo was a godsend with my third pregnancy. I still felt pretty bad, but I wasn’t writhing on the couch under a tidal wave of nausea. So. That’s something.

      Hannah, I’m so happy for you and James… and Henry 🙂

  8. Nikki says:

    While they never found the source, I left work bleeding at 11 weeks with #2, having just announced his presence to the world. It was excruciating waiting on the doctor to call me back, then hearing there was nothing to be done but to see what was going on and how to move forward either in the ER or at my already scheduled appointment the next day. I knew I’d lost the baby and was a hot mess all night and until I saw that wiggly baby on the ultrasound machine. I bled off and on for weeks, each time going in, and each time leaving with no answers, just an occasional shot because of my blood type and my eldest’s. Now he’s three and still keeps me on my toes. You’ve got this mama, and my prayers are with you.

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  10. WomanLoved says:

    Congratulations!! EVERY baby is a blessing (as I am sure you know), so celebrate this little life unashamedly. Woohoo!
    Praying that your fears ease and that everything continues well. I found reading ‘Prayers and Promises for Supernatural Childbirth’ by Jackie Mize really encouraging and reassuring – filled with bible verses and promises for a pregnancy and childbirth.

  11. Seli says:

    Congrats! Godspeed for your second baby ❤️

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