The Art in Life

This is not a realistic goal- let’s all just accept that and then marvel at its beauty all the same. (Image via here)

I love having people over for a meal.

Entertaining has defined our life the entire time we lived in DC. Though our old place had quite possibly the world’s worst kitchen, and no dishwasher, we routinely hosted big groups of people for meals. In our new apartment, the bigger kitchen and dishwasher have us enjoying hospitality in a whole new way, ie, without the hours of miserable late night clean up afterwards.  Every week, we share a family dinner with our various siblings in the city, alternating houses and making it a priority to see each other on a regular basis. Without a doubt, this is one of the high points of my week. Starting last fall, we also host a Bible study in our home on Tuesday nights, rotating who makes dinner and enjoying the sort of community that happens best over food. And then of course, there are the Bachelor viewing parties, the impromptu Friday night feasts, the holiday parties and movie nights.

Because life around the table is life at its best.

But of course, my table can only seat six, and even that is cozy. The reality of small-space entertaining is that sometimes you can do it the way you want, with place settings and the shrugging off of people’s offers to bring things, and utter perfection in every detail. Yet if I was content to only host when we could offer those things, we wouldn’t do it as often as I crave, as often as I think our fragmented society desperately needs hospitality and community. And we love big groups, love when there are more people than chairs, love when we have to drap ourselves across every piece of furniture and balance our plates on laps, love it when people bring others at the last minute and we find ourselves with the masses in our home. While people do enjoy a nice dinner party with all the pretty trappings, no one complains when a hearty meal is served, even if they eat it on the floor. So here are some things that I have learned about big group entertaining in small spaces, on modest budgets, followed by a list of the easy big group dinners that can be rolled out with (relatively) minimal effort.

Not exactly what I meant when I said that our guests sometimes sit on the floor. But you know, still beautiful, if far beyond the realm of mere mortal entertaining. (Image via here)

Do not fear the disposable dishes. Yes, I know that they are a waste of money and not sustainable, etc. I know that nice dishes are better, and I try to use them whenever possible. But if you don’t have a dishwasher, or you are just dealing with a really big group, don’t let the stress of clean-up hold you back. If grabbing a package of paper plates frees you to invite those extra mouths, do it.

Let people contribute. When people offer to bring things, accept. I love being able to provide everything, but it isn’t always possible. Plus, people like contributing, like feeling involved in the process. Salads, desserts, drinks- all of these are easy things to request when someone offers. They take stress off of the host and let other people extend hospitality, all while receiving it.

Make meals that can sit. I forget this sometimes, and it is miserable. Find a dish that can be prepped early and give you time to collect yourself before people arrive.

Take 10 minutes to speed clean. After the prep, take 10 minutes before people arrive to turn on lots of lights (Barefoot Contessa once wrote in her cookbook that having lots of lights on makes people feel more welcome- so true!), light a couple candles, and wipe off counters. There is not always time to make sure that the whole house is clean, and reality is not a bad thing to expose to people. But a quick 10 minute spruce up communicates that your guests are worth a clean and inviting space. I love having fresh flowers and an immaculate home… but blooms are pricey and we actually live in our house so sometimes it’s messy. But I can wipe off a counter and turn on a lamp and then throw open the doors and let people in.

You will not find meals like this listed below. But this sure is a pretty spread. If you are making this, do feel free to invite me over. I can even bring my own farm animal table accents. (Image via here.)

Obviously, chili, lasagna variations, spaghetti, and pizza are always acceptable large group meals (and by pizza, I don’t just mean homemade… many a beautiful moment has happened around a box of delivery/frozen pizza). But here are some dishes that I love to make for a little more variety when I am planning on feeding the masses.

Soup and cheesy croutons. Grab a loaf of sourdough, chop it in rough chunks, toss with olive oil and cheese and roast till crispy. Set big bowls of that beside a pot of soup (get fancy and make this one, or just get practical and buy one of the awesome Trader Joe’s tomato or squash soups) and let people serve. Or pair those soups with this easy yet impressive bread.  Ask others to bring: salad.

Chicken pot pie. Multiply this recipe a couple times to make a giant pot of the filling, but DO NOT bake it in the traditional pie format. Instead, cut puff pastry into rectangles and bake those separately, letting guests serve a bowl of filling and top it with the pastry. This avoids that horrid soggy-pastry scenario and is just all around easier. Ask others to bring: a veggie side or salad.

Carnitas. I love any sort of taco, but my absolute favorite is to make a big batch of the carnitas meat from this cookbook. You can make it in advance and freeze it, and I usually even skip the final crisping step and no one has ever complained. I then sauté up a giant skillet of onions, peppers, and squash/zucchini and set up the table with toppings  in bowls. Ask others to bring: tortillas, quac, salsa, cheese, sour cream, lettuce, etc.

Veggie-packed enchiladas. I love these because they can be assembled early in the day and baked fast at the end. Ask others to bring: salsa, fruit salad.

Chicken Tortilla Soup. You know how much I love this one, and it is a staple for big groups, as well as being James’ absolute favorite meal. Ask others to bring: limes, avocados, cheese, sour cream.

Brinner. One of the best budget options is to do a breakfast-for-dinner group meal. We love doing waffles, pancakes, or crêpes, and I often will make the key item and some eggs and bacon. Ask others to bring: syrup, fruit, juice, Nutella, whipped cream.

What about you all? What are some big-group meals that you keep up your sleeves, or any tips for easy entertaining for the masses?

I love hearing about people’s birth plans/stories.

It’s not just something I have liked since being pregnant, though admittedly my interest has increased with a date looming over my head when I too will go through The Event. I am just fascinated by the crazy ways that tiny humans come into the world and the myriad and diverse opinions that women have over the right and best way to round out a pregnancy.

Because if you want pregnant women to get really opinionated, you should ask them about about their birth plans. (Or, you know, their favorite item on the McDonald’s breakfast menu, but that’s another post for another time. #mcgriddleforever)

There are people who are practically professional at being pregnant. They know stats, they read books, they have researched birth in every detail, and they are the most fascinating ever. I like to be around those people, since I read one book, attended one class, watched some Call the Midwife, and then frantically popped in a DVD of breathing techniques someone sent me the other night when friends were over who were a day past their own due date and we realized that none of us had ANY CLUE about how you were supposed to do that pregnant breathing thing. I like to be around the pro-preggos, because they drop little bits of knowledge that I glean like a ravenous little chipmunk, tucking into my chubby cheeks.

Recently I thought that maybe I should make a “birth plan,” you know, like think through some things I want for this birth, beyond the detailed perusal I performed of the hospital cafeteria on my last visit. Of course, the very idea of a birth plan is the most ridiculous of modern luxuries, as pregnancy and childbirth were intimately tied to a good chance that you and/or your offspring might die until relatively recently, and your options were limited. Did Ma Ingalls have a birth plan beyond “tell Pa to put down that darn fiddle and go fetch a woman to help?” Probably not.

But now! Now we have options and decisions and OH SO MANY very loudly voiced opinions. There are those who believe that natural birth, either in the luxury of a birthing center or your home is the ONLY way to go, and they will detail for you the multitudes of injustices that doctors will inflict on you in those vile hospitals, ripping a babe from your entrails to rush out on their shift. On the other end of the spectrum, there are those who condemn the crunchy crowd as backward and ignorant, longing to be hooked up to machines and coddled through the process. Both sides have an arsenal of anecdotal horror stories to strengthen this argument, and I know because I have fallen prey to it too- even if I am not a pro-preggo. Battle lines are drawn and fought over birth plans.

And then of course, there are the babies, all those unborn bundles of joy, that really give zero cares about any birth plan that might be carefully typed up and discussed in advance, ready to roll in and ruin all the best laid preparations. I have had friends who planned on medicating themselves into oblivion, only to have rapid advancing labor that forced them to go naturally, and friends who wanted to be as granola as possible and eventually had to have c-sections.

Yet all these unplanned plans ended in babies.

There is something that really bothers me about the modern birthing process. I will get on Facebook or wherever and see that someone has had a baby (YAY!) and a caption will detail how this woman was a STRONG AND MIGHTY CHAMPION because she did the whole thing with no medication, laboring in full awareness of her pain for days on end before having a child.

There is nothing wrong with that.

But there is also nothing wrong with the mother who chose something different, or who didn’t have the freedom to make the choice. These women are not one bit less “strong” than the woman who chose a more painful route. I can promise you that all women probably made the choice that they thought best for their baby, and isn’t that what makes someone a strong mother? I have watched women feel like failures when they find they have to deviate from their birth plans, and that is ridiculous. When did we develop such a sense of entitlement about our right to choose our “birth experience” that we started subtly shaming others who welcome children differently? When did we start ranking the strength of women who come out with the same end goal?

So let me just set the record straight.

To the mother who labored for 3 days in her living room before having a completely unmedicated birth in a tub- you are a champion.

To the mother who induced and promptly had an epidural inserted – you are a champion.

To the mother who walked into a C-section and had doctors remove a baby from her body without pushing once – you are a champion.

To the mother who spent years waiting and sending paperwork and writing checks before holding a baby in her arms whom she never held in her womb – you are a champion.

To the mother who fosters, who loves children that still ask when they get to go back to their “real” mom – you are a champion.

To the woman who shows up at baby showers with a lump in her throat, wishing that she was sitting there and opening tiny onesies and swaddle blankets, who takes meals to new moms and listens to friends gush about feeling those first kicks – you are a champion.

Because I’m pretty sure that the impressive part about being a mother doesn’t come from how your children enter the world, but what you do afterwards. Strong mothering is a lifetime thing, one that can’t be ranked or planned.

So here it is, my 3 step birth plan:

1. Ignore the fear that people like to thrust on you before birth. Reject any attempt at birth shaming because babies can come into this world by all sorts of ways and they can all be awesome.
2. Have a baby. Do what needs to be done, taking to heart the advice of talented and capable people around me.Hold loosely to what I want in the interest of what I might need.
3. Find a way to acquire a McDonalds breakfast sandwich as soon after delivering as humanly possible.

Yes, I paid attention in the one class we did, and yes, I have thought about some ideal scenarios. There is absolutely nothing wrong with researching and preparing, especially if you want a non-hospital birth that involves setting up logistics. But having a baby is about giving up the ability to live in a world of best-laid plans and ideal scenarios. Might as well start early with an open mind and humble heart, ready to greet our baby however he decides on entering this world.

The past week has been one giant obstacle course of emotions around here, and not just because my preggo emotions have me in constant flux between laughing hysterically (“a puppy playing tug of war with a child!”), sobbing (“a lost sign for a puppy/cat/box turtle”), or angrily storming around (insert imagined injustices). So let’s just break it down.

The Good…

I flew to KY a week ago to spend the weekend with my family. My granny fell and broke her hip a couple weeks ago, which, while truly awful, meant that I spent lots of quality time chilling with her in the rehab center. We did puzzles, went through potential baby names (she rejected most of mine), and got to catch up on everything happening in life. On Saturday, my mom and best friend from home threw me an absolute perfect baby shower, attended by the women who defined my childhood. Friends, my friends’ moms, family, mentors- I can’t even describe how special it is to be celebrating this baby boy with those women. We played games, had a rocking devotional by my mom, shed a few tears, and our boy got some of the most amazing gifts ever. Just look at that quilt that my friend made:

PRIMARY COLORS AND TINY CLOTHES. Cannot even deal.

Not shown are the handmade bibs, the books with notes for our son, the adorable clothes, and the practical necessities. The shower was themed after one of my favorite French books The Little Prince, and the dedication to the theme was on point. My mom has become a Pinterest convert, which is how we ended up with this cake…

Behold, the cake that I shoved in my face all weekend long.

…and of course I brought just a leg back home to James, adding it to his lunch without explanation. He might never recover. Brunch is my favorite, and showers are the best, so a SHOWER BRUNCH OF FOOD was perfect. I was so busy eating and socializing that I don’t really have any other pictures, except for this one of the homemade granola I squirreled back to DC.

Not shown: The casserole made of sausage, cream cheese, regular cheese, and croissant dough. BLESS US ALL.

The picture is obviously deceptive, as it makes my weekend dining look healthy, but it was more like a binger of breakfast casserole and cake for days on end.

Must work on my casual funny picture face.

Other superpowers include having my lips disappear into my skin when I don’t wear lipstick.

As I am deeply loyal/dependent on my KY hairdresser, I made sure to cut my mangy locks while home. And as anyone knows, a fresh haircut is like having a new superpower. I also got to spend some time with good friends, after which my heart was so full that I had to quote my favorite philosophizing car thief of few words:

#DomToretto4lyfe

The Bad…

All those amazing gifts, the ones that made me feel like our entire world in KY came together to help us welcome this boy, wrapping their love around him in tangible pieces? Yeah, Southwest lost the bag with every. last. gift inside. (The severed cake baby leg was safe in another bag, not that it was much consolation.)

The Ugly…

I spent all week crying on the phone with various Southwest representatives, none of which were helpful, some of which were downright rude. One lady told me that if I didn’t want to lose baby gifts, I shouldn’t check them, which I realize might sound ok in theory… but how do you carry on 50 pounds of baby gifts? She then said that Southwest deemed bag tracking too expensive and unnecessary (they only scan your bag at the initial drop-off), and that maybe I just don’t travel enough to understand how things work. I cried, I pleaded, I ranted, I got no results.*

But then some more good!

Late last night, in a last ditch Hail Mary, I called the baggage people at Midway one more time. I tried to keep it together, but about 3 seconds into the conversation I started sobbing and babbling and gasping out words like “QUILT” and “IRREPLACEABLE” and “FIRST BABY EMOTIONS.” The woman, a saint by the name of Donna, was just the night shift bag worker, but she announced that she would FIND MY BAG, and off she went to personally inspect every bag in Midway, before she started contacting all other airports and getting results.

And at 2am, Donna called to tell me that my bag was in New Hampshire, after a brief trip through New Mexico. At which point I cried again and declared that I would be naming all my children after her.

And now it’s Friday, and we have pretty chill plans for the weekend, which also includes shower #3 of our three weekends of celebrations. Hoping for nothing but good for the next little while.

(*In fairness to Southwest: the service I received was so terrible, that I was ready to change my stance from Southwest-gusher, to I Will Never Fly Them Again. I was ready to cut up our Southwest cards and label all their proclamations of service as TOTAL LIES. I still think that their baggage system and many of the people I dealt with are not what they should be. But Donna was such a hero that I am in awe. Plus, they did apologize for the exceptional rudeness of the one employee who tried to victim-shame me for my lost bag and offer some vouchers, so I must withdraw the angry texts I sent to everyone in my life declaring them The Official Worst Ever.)

I cannot emphasize how much we love our new home. I mean, we loved our old place. It was the first place we lived, a place that was cozy and had us smack in the center of a perfect area of the city. But it wasn’t without its…. charms. Our new apartment is a decided step up, and sometimes we just sit around feeling like real adults and listening to the dishwasher purr in the background. We congratulate ourselves on upgrading, and stand firm in our belief that having a kind of crummy first apartment as newlyweds is a blessing, because anything feels like a huge step up.

Still.

I thought about putting some pictures up here, and I kept on stopping. First because it seemed weird and strangely pretentious, as I am not at all a home decor maven. Every decision takes me eons of stress, until I finally default into the primary colors and Ikea classics. But secondly, it always seems like people who do share pictures of where they live all live in the same house. Everything is white and shiny, done in tasteful unique pieces carefully curated from vintage stores and the occasional West Elm purchase. Things are sparse, colors are muted, and lush house plants gleam in every corner. They don’t seem to own trashcans or books, or if they do, only aesthetic ones, and I have no clue how their couch cushions stay so plump. They have white subway tile covering the bathroom and kitchen backsplash, carefully selected to match the already white everything else. They have fresh flowers. Their homes are beautiful, and usually owned, and tailored to an exquisite taste that I love.

But we rent, and will rent for awhile, and that means limited options and few renovations possible. And around this home, there is no subway tile. Which I am actually fine with, as our old place had a version of it, and do you know how hard it is to keep calk mold-free in a bathroom? It is impossible, and subway tile is basically a snazzy mold factory – albeit the prettiest one ever. Around this home, there are no plants, because I kill them all. Around this home, we have to store things on top of cabinets, even if it looks bad, because that is all the space we have. Around this home, there is a delicate balance of the practicality we need, the aesthetics we want, and the constraints that we have to deal with. What small apartment budget living teaches you is how to mold your own style into whatever space you have, pushing it into little corners and adapting it to awkward nooks.

And I decided I wanted to share that. I love our place, I’m proud of it and the things we love that fill it. So! Here it is, in all its I-waited-to-take-pics-until-it-was-cleaner-than-usual-but-left-off-the-bedrooms-because-of-a-laundry-bomb glory.Ah, the mantle moose. Maybe my favorite belonging. It started as a joke Christmas decoration that we put there before unpacking anything else, but I’ve grown attached. He just looks so regal in between our home-state maps.

One of our biggest decor/home dilemmas is what to do with all the books, because we have (too?) many, and not the pretty coordinating kind, but the all over the place liberal arts grads kind. We managed to purge an entire shelf worth while moving, but then opted to just fill shelves fuller, ditching lots of framed pics that we had in our old place, but clinging to my obsessive W collection. You also might notice the TV wedged in the bookshelf. TVs are tricky things. I hate how they look and refuse to have them be a focus of the room. But I also marvel at how so many beautiful homes that people splash across the internet don’t have TVs visible. Do they hide them? Do they not actually like to watch Office marathons on their couch, feet on the coffee table??? I mean, I love things looking good, but I also love all my people sitting on the floor, eating bagel bites, and watching The Bachelor. In the absence of a room that could be a TV/den, we just have to make due.I almost cried when we managed to find an apartment where I could have an office– and by that I mean a tiny 5×5 alcove off the living room. I wish it had a nice streamlined desk and comfy chair, but for now we are making do with the old desk from my grandma’s garage and a metal folding chair (that is coincidentally also from her garage). But it’s mine, it has all my dissertation stuff, and it is perfect. It also lets me go crazy with my collage wall, since James gently suggested that we keep our walls slightly less cluttered here than in our last place. BEHOLD THE DISHWASHER. Definitely our favorite family member. And though I miss the gas stove of our old place, I do marvel at how much cleaner everything stays without that filmy stuff that gathers in gas stove homes. Mostly I just love that this kitchen is open to the living room, keeping me a part of things when I am cooking or cleaning and people are having fun in there. My middle-child FOMO is satisfied at last.Fun details that no one noticed in our old place because the kitchen was dark and cut off! Ok fine — one last closeup of the Mantle Moose of Might. Home. It used to be a tiny place in Eastern Market, and now it is a much bigger, though still small, place on the edge of Capitol Hill. Not perfect, but perfectly working for what we need and most of what we want. I couldn’t ask for more.

Making : Slow but steady progress on the first chapter of my dissertation. (30 pages! Only a million more to go!)
Cooking : Tomato soup and grilled cheese, as its become a weekend tradition that I look forward to.
Drinking : Frothy iced coffee drinks that I should be ashamed of… but once I passed that glucose test, I was all “BOTTOMS UP!”
Reading: Books about shifting perceptions of gender in nineteenth century French novels and Emily Oster’s Expecting Better. Still trying to at least read ONE book before this baby comes.
Wanting: To just read this month’s Real Simple that sits alone and neglected on the counter.
Looking: Through photos from the wedding I photographed Saturday – my last wedding for the foreseeable future!
Playing:  A shamefully good dystopian teen fiction audiobook about fairy tales, cyborgs, and true love amongst high schoolers – who are also trying to save the world from the plague.
Wasting: Money, as I caved and turned the heat back on this morning because it just got too cold over the weekend.
Sewing: The tiny tear in James’ pants… from 4 months ago.
Wishing: That Ben had picked JoJo, because I just love her so much. Then I remind myself that now we get her as the Bachelorette, so I guess this is still a win.
Enjoying: The fact that Capitol Hill has spring recess this week, so I might actually get to eat dinner with my husband a couple nights.
Waiting: For some divine moment of inspiration where I suddenly have decision skills about anything that should go in our nursery. Kid, you might just have to content yourself with a dresser, because that’s all we got.
Liking: These sandals. Pretty sure footwear will be the only realm where I can get excited about clothing this summer, so I might break my long hatred of sandals and give these a try.
Wondering: If I am hardy of heart enough to brave the Tidal Basin to see the cherry blossoms that are blooming crazy early this year.
Loving: Avocado toast – all day, erry day. Topped with a pathetically poached egg (PLEASE TEACH ME YOUR WAYS, YE PEOPLE WHO SUCCESSFULLY POACH EGGS!).
Hoping: That the dentist doesn’t notice on Thursday that I gave up flossing months weeks ago.
Marveling: At the crazy kicks that rock my insides over and over throughout the day.
Needing: Reese’s Easter Eggs. Ok fine – maybe not needing. But at least craving.
Wearing: All the amazing maternity hand-me-downs that have poured in from awesome women in my life. Between those and some amazing gift card purchases, I am loving my elastic-waisted, flowy-shirted wardrobe and spent nary a penny.
Following: The two strands of March Madness filling the nation- basketball, and presidential primaries.
Noticing: That every year I can’t help but get giddy for spring, even if winter was good, short, and mild.
Knowing: That this spring will fly by and before we know it- summer will be here with this baby and all sorts of big changes.
Thinking:  That we aren’t ready at all.
Feeling: That no one ever is.
Bookmarking: Things to do/eat in New York when James and I go next month for a little mini babymoon. The original plan was somewhere far south and warm, but I got scared off by Zika, so we are just going to go chill in the city and eat all the things.

I’ve been really apathetic about blogging lately, but I always love the exercise of stopping to think through the little things filling our lives.

Happy first week of spring!